| Raising a nation: Adopting India's hidden generation |
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| Written by Chinmayee Manjunath | |
| Sunday, 11 May 2003 | |
 She blows bubbles into her glass of water, her little forehead furrowed in concentration. Each time a bubble bursts, Misha's tiny voice reverberates and she laughs. “Don’t do that, Mishuma,” her mother admonishes gently. Glancing indulgently at his daughter, Misha’s father explains: “She is just learning to swim. She thinks she must breathe like that always.” Two-year old Misha puts her glass down and flashes her adoring parents a smile. Their faces mirror pride as they gaze at her - a child born not of their blood, but of their love and compassion. Given up for adoption by her biological mother soon after she was born, Misha was adopted by Pavani and K. Ramesh when she was two months old. “It's not that we couldn't conceive,” Pavani says. “But we chose to adopt.” She holds Misha close and continues: “I was never particular that my child should come out of my body. Or that it should have his genes.” Ramesh nods: ”A child is a child. Plus, we earn well, and we are able, thankfully, to provide a baby with a good life. ” The couple have a habit of completing each other’s sentences. They say that even before they got married they had decided to adopt their children. “One is always a little idealistic at a younger age, I suppose,” says Pavani, watching her daughter relish a bowl of biscuits. “But we were very sure of it. In fact, if we choose to have another child now, it will also be adopted.” In the past five years, it is documented that 175 babies have been abandoned in Bangalore, with 80 percent of them being girls. Most abandoned babies end up at Makkala Sahaya Vani (MSV), a conduit between the police and 10 orphanages that have been chosen as “fit person institutes” by the government. MSV’s hotline 1098 is ever buzzing, with calls about mentally and physically challenged children, as well as premature babies that have been abandoned. Sometimes as old as two, the children are picked from dustbins, gutters, hospitals and sometimes even from the doorsteps of temples and churches. "In most cases it is impossible to track down the parents," says Rowena Bastian, an MSV volunteer. “Once we are contacted, we make sure that the child is in an orphanage within 24 hours,” she says. After their marriage, Pavani and Ramesh became busy pursuing their careers. Pavani is a creative consultant, while Ramesh is the vice-president of Indiamarkets, a city business-consulting firm. Starting a family took a back seat. It was not until Adoption Week in November 2000 that the pre-marital promise they made to themselves resurfaced.  Misha: Rescued from an uncertain future The government has recently simplified the procedure of moving abandoned babies into orphanages. Adoption procedures, though, have tightened up following cases of adopted children who are sold to people abroad. But “in our case, the whole procedure was super-efficient,” remarks Pavani, adding they were not really in a hurry to take a baby home. Before requests from couples are considered, they are required to go through counseling sessions, both together and individually. That is followed by home visits from orphanage officials. “The home-study is crucial to the adoption process,” Ramesh explains, as he refills Misha’s glass with water, and softly warns her again: “Don’t blow into it, Mishu.” By this time, Misha looks thoroughly bored with our conversation and returns to her biscuits. Ramesh takes over. “The ‘matchmaking’, so to speak, is taken care of at their end,” he says. One must respect their experience. For example, they thought that she looks a bit like me and she does, I guess.” His face breaks into a smile, reciprocated by a grin from Misha. Pavani speaks of how similar adoption is to having a biological child, except for the fact that you choose whether you want a son or a daughter. As with other prospective parents, Pavani and Ramesh were first shown a photo of the baby and a profile of its background. “To show you a number of babies to choose from would be like shopping,“ Ramesh says contemptuously, adding: “It would be demeaning.” Once the couple agrees to adopt, they are allowed to spend time with the baby at the orphanage. When they pick up the baby for the first time, they instinctively know whether it is the right one for them. If they decide it is, they are encouraged to take the baby to a doctor for a medical check-up, accompanied by an orphanage official. In Pavani and Ramesh’s case, since they had no prior experience with a baby, they were permitted to spend a lot of time with Misha at Ashraya so they could familiarise themselves with bathing and feeding her. They brought her home on January 25, 2001. "Misha" is Russian for "friendly" and "intelligent": she was named after the Olympic Games mascot by her animal-loving parents. ‘M’ was also an ideal alphabet since the family dog is called Mojo. “People will think we are so strange, naming a baby in sync with our dog,” laughs Pavani. Her husband chuckles and adds: “But Misha has also lived up to her name.” The couple admits to have been, initially "overwhelmed by the operational stuff," meaning nappies, bathing, feeding and sleepless nights. Moreover, Ramesh travels frequently; consequently much of the new responsibility was put on Pavani. “It was quite a bit to handle. I worked till she was about a year old but have taken leave [from the job] now, at least until she starts school," she says, trying to restrain an increasingly bored Misha from leaping onto the sofa. Misha is already aware she is adopted, though she is far too young to comprehend what that means. Her parents want her to be aware of her background, and thus take her back to Ashraya at least once a week. As she grows older, it should be a point of reference for her, her parents say. “Later, if she does choose to meet her biological mother, we will help. It is her right,” adds Pavani, turning to Misha. “Where did you come from, Mishuma?” “Ashraya. Mama and Papa took me home.” She flashes a disarming grin. Now drawn into the conversation, she takes centre stage, showing off her room, filled with dolls and toy baskets. It is a warm sanctuary. “She is fairly fearless," says Pavani, watching as Misha starts to empty a toy basket onto the floor. “For the past three months, she has been sleeping here alone.” Finding nothing of interest in the basket, Misha plays with Mojo, a playful Golden Retriever, who had been locked up because of a visitor. We watch as the two frolic around and Misha rides around on his back, squealing with great pride: “Horsey!” Ramesh laughs and remembers that Misha took her first steps holding onto the dog. “We never got her a walker,” his wife adds, clutching the little girl as she tumbles to the floor. As Misha cuddles her mother, she appears to be a reflection of her. When asked about this, Ramesh says - “Many people tell us that she looks like me, and behaves like Pavani. I guess much of what a child is depends on its upbringing.” Perhaps it does. Pavani and Ramesh have created a warm world in their beautiful home that is filled with pictures of their adored daughter, the cherished memories they share, and the dreams they have spun for her future. Related Items:
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